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YO, MEMBERS
(September 10, 2010)

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TOP FIVE
Reasons Thanksgiving is the Best Freakin’ Holiday Ever
By Richard Tatum


 
1. Food Coma
You are expected to eat yourself into a coma. If you don’t people think you’re not doing it right. They give you looks. Then offer more food. Then more looks if you don’t take them up on it. Who needs that guilt? Just freakin’ eat!
 
2. Instant Gratification
You are not required to go to a three-hour service beforehand, where you have to dress nicely, “pay attention” and read out loud, all the while thinking “I am going to eat my own hand in two minutes.”
 
3. American Traditions
There are cool connections to American history, even if they’re widely blown out of proportion and cartoonishly fantasized.
 
4. Pumpkin Pie!
You can get pumpkin pie, people! PUMP! KIN!! PIE!!!
 
5. Innuendos
It gives you multiple excuses to say how much you like “getting the bird” and not have your mom take you into the other room for “a talk”.


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